Disappointed but on our knees

What a difference a single phone call can make. Yesterday we visited ProCure so Lorelei could go through the preparation process to begin proton therapy. While she was at the hospital they conducted a PET scan to confirm the effectiveness of the chemotherapy she just completed. Her oncologist Dr. Geister told her he was confident he'd be able to call her that evening to tell her she was in remission and that the proton therapy would just be insurance for a complete cure from the cancer. But that phone call didn't come.

Instead, when the phone rang it was Dr. Keole. Lorelei answered it. They talked for a second and then she handed the phone to me. Her countenance dropped when he said "I need to talk with your mom." She knew that meant bad news. And it was. That phone call is still a blur in my mind. It caught us totally off guard. The results of the PET scan showed that there was still uptake in the main mass in Lorelei's chest. Virtually nothing had changed since her mid-way PET scan. Her cancer is "resistant" to chemo. "Refractory Hodgkin's Lymphoma"…survival percentages have changed…blah blah blah. Dr. Keole seemed calm but I could tell it was a curve ball even for him. He said he would take the weekend to do some research and develop a new plan for Lorelei's treatment. Undoubtedly, we'll still need to do proton therapy, but it will last longer and require higher doses than originally planned. He mentioned phrases like "High Dose Chemo and Stem Cell Transplant" but honestly, I don't know if those are now indicated or just possibilities. Maybe the proton therapy will be enough. Disappointed. It shook us to our core. Lorelei admitted that it had never once crossed her mind that she might not beat this cancer. She saw the cancer as being very inconvenient but not really life threatening. That changed yesterday for her. Thankfully her boyfriend Bradley was with her to hold her as she cried. They both have a lot of praying to do. Even before the phone call they had spent much of the day together in prayer about their futures and seeking God's plan for using them as He has called them. This brought them both back to their knees. And that's not a bad place to be.

We'll update more tomorrow after Dr. Keole calls with the new plan. We have lots of questions. The only thing we don't question is God's love for us. This earthly body we inhabit is not our eternal home but we'd like to live in it as long as possible.

As always, we covet your prayer. It is unfathomable to think that anyone would ever go through this journey without the support of community. You have been wonderful in supporting us to this point. We need you now more than ever before.

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Psalm 91:14-16

New International Version (NIV)

14 “Because he loves me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
15 He will call on me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him.
16 With long life I will satisfy him and show him my salvation."